School & Learning
The Seatbelt Buckle
The car stopped. Engine off. Outside the window, children went past in twos and threes, bags bouncing, on their way into Mira’s new school. None of them looked scared. One of them was eating TOAST.
Mira’s hand was on the seatbelt buckle. Her thumb was on the red button. Not pressing. Just resting there. It had been resting there since the car stopped. And the car had stopped quite a while ago.
Mom had turned around in her seat. She wasn’t starting the engine again. She wasn’t opening her door either. She was looking at Mira’s thumb on the button. She didn’t say come on. She didn’t say we’ll be late.
It wasn’t one thing. If it was one thing, Mira could have named it. It was the classroom she’d never seen. The cubby she didn’t have. The names, ALL the names. Where you sit. Where the bathroom is. All of it at once, in one big scary lump.
Through the windshield, the last few children went in through the double doors. A teacher Mira didn’t know was holding one door open with her back. She glanced at the parking lot, not quite at their car. Then away again.
Mira’s thumb was still on the red button. She hadn’t pressed it. Mom hadn’t asked her to. The car was very quiet. Outside, the morning went on without them. One minute. Then another. Tick. Tick.
Mom: still turned around, still waiting. The last few children: going in. Mira’s thumb: on the button. And something had to happen with this one stuck minute.
What does Mira do?
Every choice costs something. Let’s see what.
Press the button and go, before thinking any more
Mira pressed the button. Click! Fast, before she’d properly decided. The seatbelt whipped back over her shoulder, and she was out of the car and walking before the scared feeling had time to get any bigger.
In she went through the double doors, behind the teacher. She didn’t ask where her cubby was. She didn’t ask who she’d sit next to. All the questions came in with her, in her chest. Not one of them answered.
By the time the scared feeling caught up, Mira was already sitting cross-legged on a carpet, in a room full of faces she didn’t know. Her heart went thump, thump, thump. Knees up under her chin. She was in. She was actually IN.
She found her cubby by hanging her coat in the wrong one first. Oops. She found where to sit by sitting in someone else’s place first, and moving. All morning, every answer came after one small mistake. But by lunchtime she knew her cubby, her seat, AND where the bathroom was.
Ask Mom one real question first
“What if I don’t know where to sit?” said Mira. It was the biggest one on the whole list, so that’s the one she picked. Mom didn’t answer right away. She thought about it first.
“I don’t know exactly,” said Mom. “But there’ll be a teacher right there. And you can ask her.” Mira said it over in her head. A teacher right there. You can ask her.
By the time Mira pressed the button and got out, she was nearly the last one. Click. The parking lot was almost empty. The teacher at the door looked at her watch, and kept the door open. The walk across was long, and Mira did all of it on her own. Her bag bounced on her back the whole way, the way everyone else’s had.
All the other questions were still there. But Mira walked in whispering the one answer, in time with her feet. A teacher right there. You can ask her. A teacher right there. You can ask her. Through the doors. Down the hall. In.
Ask to watch through the window for a minute
“Can I just watch for a minute?” said Mira. Mom said okay. She didn’t start the engine. They looked out the windshield together: the door, the teacher holding it, the last two children going in.
Mira watched. A boy tripped over his own shoelace and laughed instead of crying. A girl waved at the teacher like she’d known her for years. A dad ran back to the gate with a forgotten lunchbox, holding it up like a trophy. TA-DA!
But the minute went on past a minute. The watching got stuck too. Then the teacher at the door noticed the car that hadn’t moved. She let the door go. And started walking over. Uh-oh. Mira hadn’t planned that part.
The teacher crouched down by the car door. “I’m Ms. Kaur,” she said. “What’s your name?” “Mira.” “Well, Mira. I’ve got a cubby with nobody’s name on it yet.” Mira pressed the red button. Click.